That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
