THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
