nut hugger
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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