In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
