How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
