Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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