I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
