If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
