Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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