Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
