I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This baby is an asshole
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
