Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
