well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
