My brain says no but my pants say off.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
