final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
