Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
