You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
