if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
