my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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