I hate all girls vehemently.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
