Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
