I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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