Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
