What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
