I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
