thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
