so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
