Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
