Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
