I heard we made out
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
