Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
