not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
