Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
