where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and you said cock pushups were impossible
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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