fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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