how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
