Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
