Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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