I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
