Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
