i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
