He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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