it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
