I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
