Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
