We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
