Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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