Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
