There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
