It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
