At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
